There’s something very British about a round of crazy golf. The fascination of whacking a ball up a steep incline, through a tunnel, round a bend and into a tiny hole under the sweeping arm of a miniature windmill.
It’s fun.
It’s silly.
And outdoors it can be pretty chilly.
That’s where a venue like Globalls at Brighton Marina comes in.
The silliness is all undercover and beautifully illuminated in glorious neon.
Crazy golf with added glow.
We’ve been several times, but not since they moved to new, more visible and larger premises in Brighton Marina. So when they offered us a chance to try out their new courses and relax in their recently added UV-lit Cocktail Bar, we said a resounding, ‘Yes Please!’
This is a review of a gifted experience, but reflects our honest, unbiased opinion.
Golfing in a neon glow
The main thing I like about any type of crazy golf is that even if you are absolutely hopeless, it’s a lot of fun.
Pork Belly’s a little better than I am, but our scores ranged from excellent (a few hole in ones) through average (the scorecards give each hole a par rating), to wildly incompetent!
Armed with glow in the dark balls and clubs, we laughed all the way around Globalls and had a ball!
The original Jurassic course is still there and remains Pork Belly’s favourite.
Decorated with brand-new wall art depicting prehistoric scenes, it has gorgeous giant models of all the best dinosaurs.
It’s a 12 hole course, as it was before, but more spacious, and unless it’s very busy, there’s plenty of time to stop and admire the scenery.
The music is eerie but not intrusive, and there’s a lovely clove-and-cinnamon aroma pumped in to the room.
Giant animals, not so small insects and frogs, plus some pink flamingoes and a tricky course await you in Zootopia.
For very young children, the huge animals might be a bit overwhelming, but definitely less scary than the dinos next door. T. Rex remains a frightening beast even when covered in brightly painted neon handbags!
Aquatica is the newest golfing addition, featuring, yes you’ve guessed it, denizens of the deep in glorious day-glo.
You get to it down a wide slide, although a more accessible option to enter via a door is also available.
I slid.
Pork Belly strolled.
We loved the inventiveness of all the layouts, and, judging by the giggles and howls of frustration that went up around us, so did the other players.
You’re supposed to get your ball in the hole by six strokes, or move on, but if there’s no party coming up behind, well, let’s just say a few of ours became 10 stroke plays!
We’re told even experienced golfers find the tight angles a bit of a challenge, so I was very pleased with my two (yes, two!) hole-in-ones.
I even did a happy dance!
All the fun of the fair
Then it was on to another new addition, and perfect if you don’t really like golf.
Carnival Games is a bizarre and noisy collection of old-fashioned fairground attractions, given a twist.
Best played with a group of competitive friends, you can test your hand-eye co-ordination at the buzzer carts, hand-power little piggies to the ceiling, try to hook a duck or two or catch silvery fortunes in a wind tunnel!
The music is funky and louder than on the crazy golf courses.
The only game we found frustrating was the dodgems. Let’s just say it was a tight squeeze and not enough elbow room!
People get very enthusiastic and, just a warning, the last game involves pumping up and popping balloons. Staff tell you this before you enter and offer a non-popping option, for anyone who suffers globophobia.
And how did we do?
Well, let’s just say that our names won’t be appearing on the Globalls wall of fame any time soon.
So off we went to drown our sorrows in the glow-in-the-dark cocktail bar.
The Great Globalls Bar
This is the most recent update, and it is lovely, if somewhat surprising for such a family orientated attraction.
Clearly designated for 18s and over, it gives parents of older children somewhere to chill out while their offspring brandish sticks and balls or take on the Strong Woman at the fair.
And it makes a perfect ‘date night’ option for couples.
After 6pm, alcoholic drinks can be served to you on the course, if that’s your fancy. We preferred to relax in the bar after experiencing the trials and tribulations of Carnival!
The bar is cosy, with great music, low lighting, stunning wall art and a team of attentive and knowledgeable staff.
All the classic cocktails are on the menu, and if your favourite’s not there, just ask and they’ll mix it for you.
Even better are their interpretations of classics with a twist, and their own inventions.
I had a straight mojito, but Pork Belly went for a Smokey Rum and Maple Old Fashioned, made with burning cherry wood and maple syrup. This arrived in a tumbler with a large, rough-hewn block of ice, under a glass dome in which the fragrant smoke swirled, imparting a delicate, sweet flavour to the drink.
I had a sip, and regretted my nice-but-ordinary mojito. My fault, I should have opted for something more adventurous!
So, we had to carry on experimenting for my sake. Next came one of their own creations, a Pineapple Cobbler made with rhubarb and ginger gin, apricot brandy, soda, pineapple syrup and maraschino liqueur. This looked amazing (which is half the delight of cocktails, of course) and was a smooth balance of sweet and tart on the tongue.
I had more than a sip of that one!
The bar serves small, tasty snacks, and they have plenty of pitcher options for larger groups and a range of mocktails and soft drinks.
None of this comes cheap, with drinks in 2023 ranging from £10 to £13, which is what you’d expect to pay in London and the south-east.
But if you’re looking for a fun night, with a twist and a little bit of mood-enhancing, UV-lit hospitality, then Globalls in Brighton Marina is a definite hit.
Disclaimer: We have been paying customers several times in the past, but on this occasion we were the guests of Globalls, who very kindly hosted us for the evening.
Getting to Globalls
Brighton Marina is 2 1/2 miles east of the city centre and easily accessible by bus and car, or in season take the Volks Railway to Black Rock, just a short walk away.
There’s plenty of parking, which is free for up to 4 hours.
Globalls is open from midday to 10 or 11pm, seven days a week.
Prices in 2023 are £8.95 per person, per course, per round.
You don’t need to book, but at busy times, walk-ins might not be possible.
Parties of up to 10 people can be accommodated, but you will be split into two groups of 5 to make your way around the course.
It takes anything between 30 minutes to an hour to complete a course, depending on the size of your party and how good (or bad!) you are.
Accessibility is pretty good, although it is dark, with low level UV lighting, so you do need to watch your step – and sometimes your head! – and there are a few steps in the Jurassic course.
The Zootopia course has a little bit of strobe lighting, so might not suit anyone with light sensitivity.
They have a hearing loop, accessible scorecards and staff are able to assist where required. If you are using a wheelchair, they ask you to contact them in advance, so they can make sure everything is ready for you.
For more information, see their website
All images copyright © rosemaryandporkbelly
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